1.Start the conversations sooner 

1. Know who their doctors are 

2. Find out who has permission to see their medical records and get information about their care 

3. Know their thoughts on advanced directives 

2. Document everything- your future self with thank you 

a. Medications lists –keep a copy with them and you 

b. Phone numbers of their family members 

c. Phone numbers of their neighbors  

d. Favorite recipes 

f. The people in the photos 

g. Who they want to have what 

3. Compression socks are a form of love language- if you can wrestle a pair on an old person without swearing you are better than most- learn how- ask how with doctors or therapists or google it. 

4. You will cry in the car- grief doesn’t wait for death, you may feel every small change, or every loss of independence.  Let yourself feel it- even if you ugly cry in the car. 

5. If they are living mostly independently- maybe you want to label things, confusion loves clutter- clarity loves a label maker 

6. Humor is your superpower- laugh and the world laughs with you! Find the humor, share the chuckle, life is tough, make it easier with a good belly laugh or two shared with a loved one. 

7. Music is magic- find their songs, find your songs, vision fades, TV sucks, the news is usually bad- find the music that soothes their souls.  It is said “With your feet you move, it is with your heart- you dance.  Move Baby-Move- and Sing- top of your lungs laugh worthy effort – Sing- it sets you and them free. 

8. Set boundaries or burn right out.  Take care of the caregiver- that is you! 

9. Their dignity is more important than your efficiency.  Let them choose their outfit or stir the soup, listen to their stories again and again with a soft heart or start writing new ones with them. 

10. You can help them stay home- but not alone.  It takes planning, people, patience and (yes) paperwork.  Ask for help early so you don’t have to do it alone.